What About the Kids?

One of my biggest concerns when I was diagnosed was "what about my children?" At the time I didn't even have any kids, but I was going to be married in 6 months and hoped to begin my family as soon as possible. It was the first question I asked my dermatologist and the even before that, the first thing I researched with Dr. Google.

Scientists believe that multiple factors (both genetic and in the environment) are needed in order to trigger the disease, not just simply family heredity. In fact, most parents will not pass alopecia areata along to their children. (National Alopecia Areata Foundation)

To say that I was relieved was an understatement. I have always wanted to be a mom. I certainly wouldn't have given up my dream, but I may have decided to adopt if there was a greater likelihood that I would pass this condition knowingly to my child.

I went on to have 3 wonderful children. My daughter is 8 and my boys are 5 and 6. They have only known me with no hair, wearing wigs, hats, or wraps. To them, I am just me. As they have gotten older there have been questions...why don't you have hair? will my hair fall out? will your hair ever come back?

I started with explaining simply that something is broken inside me and it makes my body attack my hair so that it doesn't grow and what I do have falls out. As my daughter has gotten older, the explanations get a bit more in depth, talking about hair follicles and other auto immune disorders. I always want all of my children to know that it doesn't matter what a person looks like, but their character that makes them worthy of, respect, friendship, or love.

I will never forget the time I was brushing my daughter's beautiful long locks. Cursing them because her hair was a knotty mess and (jokingly) threatening to cut it all off. I was devastated when she started to cry, screaming that she didn't want to be bald! I know she didn't mean to hurt me, but man, what a slap in the face. I tried to explain that there were worse things in the world to be than bald.

I'm grateful that she seems to have moved passed the terror of being bald. In fact, this fall she made a hair donation to help children with hair loss.

Even though I have grown to accept my alopecia, I am still fearful that any of my children could develop it. Would it be the worst thing in the world? No. I know that, but what parent wants to see their child struggle. I am immensely grateful that I was not in school, particularly middle or high school, when I lost my hair. I had my shared of issues with bullies and I don't want to imagine how much worse it would have been if this had been added to it. I worry that my kids could be made fun of because of me when they're older. I never want them to have to defend me because I'm bald.

I try to teach my kids that they are valuable and important. I want their self worth and confidence to be off the charts so that if something like this should happen, they're able to accept it and move on with their life.

The important thing for me has always been being open and honest with my kids about my hair loss. I have been bald in front of their friends and it always amazes me how accepting young kids are of what is. They've never asked questions, at least not to me, but I would willingly answer any question they did have. I hope as they get older their friends, old and new, continue to be as accepting.